My blog on a par with flylady dot net, apparently


She was doing a little girl voice on the phone. She's sick, wants love and attention.

'So what have you been doing this evening?' I asked.

'Oh, I was on a few websites.'

'Have you got websites you visit regularly? What do you look at besides mine?'

'Oh, this and that.'

'No, go on, tell me, I'm interested.'

Out it came:

'Oh I read your blog, and flylady dot net, and…'

'Flylady dot net? What the hell's that?'

'I just should not have said that. I just should not have said that!'

I was intrigued, couldn't have a look because I'm on a dialup and I'm talking to her right now.

'Flylady? What is it? Porn?'

'Yah, cleaning porn.'

'Cleaning porn? What d'you mean? It's porn yeah? What sort of porn?'

'It's cleaning porn, I told you.'

'What do you mean, cleaning porn?'

'Cleaning tips, clutter and clearouts.'

'It's a website dedicated to cleaning? You go straight from my site to a site about cleaning the house?'

'I just should not have mentioned this.'

'No seriously, you've having me on right, it's a porn site right?'

'No it's a cleaning site.'

'You visit a cleaning site on a regular basis? How often d'you go to flylady dot net then?'

'Every couple of days.'

'What, it's a blog about cleaning?'

'No, it's not a blog, I just haven't read it all yet… I can't believe I told you that!'

'So why do you go to a website on cleaning?'

'Oh, makes me feel better about not doing any.'

'Flylady dot net. So my site's on a par with flylady dot net is that what you're saying?'

'I can't believe I told you, don't look at it, promise me you won't look at it.'

'It is porn isn't it. What sort of porn?'

'I told you, cleaning porn.'

So I let it go at that and we carried on talking about this and that for another half an hour. Then she was feeling sleepy.

'Going to bed now,' she said.

'Flylady dot net eh? I'll be having a look at that.'

'No, don't!'

'Night. Sweet dreams.'

So I went to have a look at flylady dot net. I'm still recovering from the idea that she must be a psycho. What kind of person visits a site with news stories about feather dusters every couple of days? I try to imagine her getting excited over this:

Caring for your Feather Duster: We get so many questions about how to wash and care for the FLY Dusters, so I shined my sink, dug out my camera and took pictures of the process. Imagine a wet rodent with a wooden tail…

I'm trying to think the best of her, that maybe it's something postmodern, but it suddenly dawns on me… like… maybe this is going on all over the planet, people tuning into naff websites. I read it scrupulously for hidden hints of satire that I'm missing, but no, it appears to be a copiously illustrated in-depth article on how to use a feather duster.

Someone please tell me there are depths I'm not appreciating, I cannot get my head round the idea that to a discerning intelligent woman my website is just as good as flylady dot net.